The recent attention given to intergenerational ministry, Orange, Sticky Faith, and family-based youth ministry has prompted me to look at what we do in ministry through a new lens. If you stop to examine how often we youth and children’s workers work (often unaware we’re doing so) to become surrogate authorities/parents to children & teens, you’ll be surprised at what you may discover. I recently talked with parents of a teen who had scheduled a special family celebration for him and his grandparents on the same night as his youth ministry’s small group. When the teen texted his small group leader, the response was emotionally charged and questioned the boy’s ‘commitment’ level. Commitment to what? (small group) Over what? (parents and grandparents) And who will be committed to this boy four years later?
So, I’ve been looking at common practices in a new light. I wonder if we trust parents and families. I wonder if we want families to be a primary source of faith development (see Deuteronomy 6 for more on that, though). Not sure I have it all figured out yet, but I’ve run across some cool ideas like this one:
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Popularity: 9%
Posted on Thursday, December 15th, 2011 at 5:41 AM in Leadership, Parenting, Teaching, Youth Ministry. 2 comments
We recently witnessed a sad scene at a nearby high school. The ‘pee wee’ football league game had long been over and every parent and his/her son had left the school. Except one.
As the clouds rolled in we saw a father bent down with finger pointing at his (roughly) 9 year old son. No one was on the field, the cones and field markers were packed and gone. He yelled and pointed, the displeasure with his so evident. The boy wasn’t as tall as the dad’s armpits, who was bent over, pointing at the boy, the anger and displeasure clear – Anger about pee wee football with a nine year old who is still 4 years from puberty.
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Popularity: 9%
Posted on Wednesday, September 28th, 2011 at 6:42 AM in Parenting. 2 comments
Two events this month reminded me how important it is for those who are married to have a vibrant bond with their spouse, partner, or whatever term they use. Joel Osteen, a pastor I don’t normally read, wrote an article that challenged married readers to be ‘beautiful’ in marriage. What does it mean to be a beautiful person to live with? To share a life together? Many couples tend to lose sight of this and focus on the things the other person does wrong or apparently lacks. Critical attitudes seem to rule the day as the years add up, and parenting children/teenagers often doesn’t help, and defensiveness rises up and fuels the divides at home. But, what would it look like for you and I to be beautiful spouses, and beautiful to our wives/husbands, today? That may be a question worth asking yourself as part of your morning routine. It’s become one for me.
The second event was a wedding that I helped officiate in the wonderful city of Zacatecas, Mexico for two former students of mine, one of whom was also in my youth group 13 years ago. It was a fantastic wedding, yet the cross-cultural and multi-lingual aspects of the wedding created a planning/preparation process full of many twists and turns for the bride. And many details weren’t finalized until hours before the wedding. So, there was a rushed atmosphere right up until the ceremony. During the wedding, I had the best view of the couple and enjoyed watching them talk to each other, sharing their feelings, and demonstrating the close bond that these two ‘best friends’ had for each other on this day. It reminded me of my wedding day and that, 24 years later, Kelly remains my best friend and the love of my life.
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Popularity: 13%
Posted on Tuesday, May 31st, 2011 at 7:50 AM in Faith, Parenting. No comments
I occasionally watch a TV show that features “high school” kids and I look at them with a developmental eye and think, “It’s been a long time since they were teenagers.” It started for me when Happy Days was the most popular show in the 1970s, featuring a cast of actors who were very mature for high schoolers. During the first season, Ron Howard was 20 years old, but played young high schooler “Richie Cunningham.” Don Most (Ralph Malph) was 21 while Anson Williams (Warren “Potsie) was 24 years old. Henry Winkler, who played dropout Arthur “Fonzie” Fonzarelli was 29 years old in the first season, though meant to depict a high school – aged kid.
The phenomenon of an older actor playing a teenager is nothing new. Directors who use college-aged students or older get a more developed voice, greater poise, and a more developed physique than from younger less-trained actors. If the show includes singing and dancing, the voices are stronger with greater range and tone, and the dancing is stronger.
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Popularity: 11%
Posted on Tuesday, September 21st, 2010 at 5:23 AM in Parenting, Youth Ministry. No comments
“The problem with teens today is…. well…. uh…… well SOMETHING is the problem. It sure looks like it to me.” I sometimes hear this from adults, but often it’s unclear what the actual problem is. And, despite encouraging facts about teens today, it seems like we can’t escape thinking there are a LOT of problems with youth today. Do any of the following sound familiar?
- In regard to sexual desire they exercise no self-restraint
- They are fickle in their desires
- They are apt to be carried away by their impulses
- They regard themselves as omniscient and are positive in their assertions
- If they commit a fault, it is always on the side of excess.
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Popularity: 19%
Posted on Monday, September 20th, 2010 at 5:42 AM in Culture, Global Youth, Parenting, Youth Ministry. No comments
Take out a sheet of paper. Any size will do just fine. Draw yourself, a stick figure works for me, in the middle of the paper. Then draw a large circle around the outside of the paper, with “you” standing in the middle. Ok, it may look more like an oval than a circle, but it still works.Imagine that the circle represents an area, either real or symbolic, around us. It may function like a “sphere of influence” does in geography or economics.
What do people experience when they step into this zone? Write down a few of the first thoughts that come to mind. Think of those who work with you. As they come and go across this artificial border, what is the effect? As you look out toward the edge of influence, what is your focus on those in range?
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Popularity: 12%
Posted on Monday, September 13th, 2010 at 4:21 AM in Leadership, Parenting, Youth Ministry. No comments
This week I’ve been reflecting on grace a bit and how little of it there is between people, even in Christian circles where grace is an overarching theological theme. Yesterday I tried to be graceful to a semi-truck driver as he made the turn onto a bridge and couldn’t quite swing it. Since I once drove truck for a summer, I could instantly relate and I didn’t advance in my left turn lane (coming toward him) as the light turned red. He could then make the swing-out and not block 3 lanes of traffic indefinitely. He appreciated it. Lovely.
Except the guy behind me thought differently. As soon as I did this, he started yelling out his window. The whole delay cost him about 7 seconds, but as he drove past me (and we still made the light), he proceeded to say some ugly ugly things to me. For being graceful.
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Popularity: 7%
Posted on Wednesday, August 25th, 2010 at 8:01 AM in Faith, Leadership, Parenting. No comments
The recent attention given to intergenerational ministry, Orange, Sticky Faith, and family-based youth ministry has prompted me to look at what we do in ministry through a new lens. If you stop to examine how often we youth and children’s workers work (often unaware we’re doing so) to become surrogate authorities/parents to children & teens, you’ll be surprised at what you may discover. I recently talked with parents of a teen who had scheduled a special family celebration for him and his grandparents on the same night as his youth ministry’s small group. When the teen texted his small group leader, the response was emotionally charged and questioned the boy’s ‘commitment’ level. Commitment to what? (small group) Over what? (parents and grandparents) And who will be committed to this boy four years later?
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